Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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