Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
