saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
