Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
