By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
