At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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