Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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