I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
