he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
