I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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