There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
