I got chris browned last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I touched a dick in church today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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