im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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