they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
