if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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