i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
