i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it was like eating out sand paper
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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