Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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