apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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