you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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