I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
