Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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