I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
