I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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