im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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