So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
