I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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