He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
