Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
