please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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