Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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