after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.