How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Holy sore nipples Batman
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night