My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
