I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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