it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
