He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
