No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
