i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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