I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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