How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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