Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
