Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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