So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
