I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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