We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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