you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
