Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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