I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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