So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
