why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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