She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
