I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
