I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
