this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
