I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
