I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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