So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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